DejaVu - ships in the night and playing tag team with childcare sounds exactly like where H and I were. We bought a big house (his choice - H was always aspirational) we couldn't really afford. Pretty much all my pay went into paying the mortgage. I was Ok with it as I knew his income would go up and he would be able to contribute more financially. I also thought that when the kids got bigger the ships in the night would end and we could start spending 'couple' time together. His salary finally matched mine a few years ago, but no additional contribution. We could trust them with babysitters and not just family - but by then it was too late. I didn't physically lose my for four years before BD but he was definitely depressed in the 6-12 months before. So, I lost him emotionally. Still BD was a huge shock for me.
Journaling .... My MIL just dropped the kids off and we had a conversation about H. I said all the right things (I think). He is still a good man. He is prioritizing the kids. We are fortunate that it is amicable.
She told me he has spoken to her about the OW (at her request). He didn't tell her much. He showed her a picture. MIL commented that she looks like me but a more ordinary version. He told her it is not serious but he suspects she might have other ideas. MIL primary concern is OW will accidentally get pregnant. My H's profession makes him marketable marriage material. H told her not to worry, that he was upfront from the start - he did not want more kids, he is not looking for commitment and that he will always put his kids first.
Apparently OW was OK with all of this. She also does not want kids. She also does not want commitment. She is fine that his kids come first and his job second. Firstly ... WTF ... she is a woman in her thirty's who does not want kids (possible but who in your 30's can say they will never want kids), does not want any form of commitment and is happy to be third on his list of priorities (yes, I am happy that you just want me for sex whenever you can make time for me). Note: I did not say any of this. I just said ... I hope he knows what he is getting himself in for.
*** removes her self from yet another cheeseless tunnel ***
I had a lovely afternoon by myself as H had the girls overnight and then took them to his mums for pumpkin picking - then his mum had them the rest of the day. I didn't do very much. Watched TV. Meditated a little. Lurked on the forum on and off. Took my time making a healthy dinner for one from scratch. Doesn't sound like much but before H moved out I was never on my own at home. Weekends were always rushing from one place to another. At home it was always me and the girls, or me the girls and H. It took me a while to get use to the emptiness. I really like it now.
H is coming around at 8 tomorrow to take D12 to football. Though, H is out tonight so not sure how he thinks he can be sober enough to drive at 8 in the morning. MIL was concerned as well and asked him today if he thought he would be fine to drive. He said he was only having a few drinks. When he lived at home and went out with the lads he is going out with tonight, he was normally still sleeping at lunch time. My H cannot stick to one drink. He is the guy buying shots at 10:00 and then insisting everyone stay for one more drink at the end of the night. MIL thinks he is probably either not going to be able to do the pick up in the morning (because of his inability to say no to a drink) or he is out on a date with OW and doesn't want to tell us.
Hmmnnn ... I think I may pass on the football tomorrow if/when he comes around. I don't want to face his hangover (he will be cranky and overly sensitive) or if he is not hungover, then I will know he was with her, and I will be cranky and overly sensitive ... and unable to tell him why ... because I am not supposed to care.
