So my situation has moved on a bit. I had a conversation with H because I need to get a house valuation and told him out of courtesy. He said that he wanted to be there because he didn't trust me.(!!) We have arranged to meet Monday evening to discuss moving forward apart. He told me that I needed to be aware that he absolutely was never going to live with me again so we just needed to sort out the assets between us. I mentioned that sneaking back into the house when I wasn't there to take things wasn't exactly conducive to keeping things civil.
He said that he does that because whenever he sees me it just deteriorated into an argument about the OW. He suggests thats all I want to talk about. I pointed out to him that I haven't mentioned her for 6 weeks when I said that was it and that I wasn't taking part in the drama anymore. He then proceeded to mention her 3 times in the conversation that ensued.
My H is a lawyer and has always said that we don't need to be paying lawyers when it is relatively straight forward. Well if he thinks that I am taking his word for it then he is a bigger fool than I took him for.
I have agreed to go and see what he has to suggest but if he thinks he can continue to talk to me as if I am an irritating client and bully me into accepting what he thinks is right then I am walking out.
I did ask him to consider that his demeanor now at this crucial time will determine how easily this progresses.
I am quite stunned by the extent to which history is being rewritten and how he wishes to view our 30 years together. I did say that I knew his M.O and out of sight out of mind wasn't going to quite cut it after 30 years. To hear him talk I was the worst wife ever and he's suffered all of that time because I've always had my way. This is the only time that he's stood up for himself apparently.
Wow! I'm very very sad. Not at the breakdown of the marriage per se, but at the degradation of 27 years. How has it come to the situation that I am beginning to despise him when we were best friends for so long.
He denies that I need any consideration for the fact that our 21 year old son lives at home and cannot afford to live independently (he is apprentice on �13000 per year) and that I might need space so that our son who lives away can come and see his family. He said 'they are adults they can sort themselves out' and I pointed out that they are adults but also his sons.
I do want this to be resolved as painlessly as possible but how do you negotiate reasonably with someone who skews the facts. I acknowledge that he doesn't want to be with me anymore but I will always resent that we never tried to resolve any problems. The first I know is when I discover an affair. I'm sorry that 27 years wasn't worth some effort on both our parts.
I ended the conversation with asking him to consider what it is about his manner that prevents us from being civil and I would do the same.
