Thanks FS. I had a good day at work and then when I got home, my H was there getting our kids ready for their Hallowe’en party. I never know how I am going to feel when I see him. Tonight I was feeling neutral when I walked in but it quickly turned to uncomfortable and then irritated. I don’t know why. I guess maybe because it is Friday night and it still hurts that he would rather spend it somewhere else? Anyway...he was driving them to their party and I was supposed to pick them up. I suddenly realized I did not want to watch them leave so I quickly changed, said good-bye to the kids and “see ya” to my H. He had a weird look on his face...it struck me as kind of amused. Ugh. Like maybe he thought I was just leaving to leave. I was, in a way, but I really can’t stand to be here with him sometimes so I went to my sister’s as she had called to see if I wanted to come over anyway. I did feel a little bit good that I left first. My goal this weekend is to not text him at all. I need some distance. I realized that it has only been six weeks since I found out about all this but it seems like it has been so much longer. Technically...I guess it has been.
I think you are right FS. If my H was a total B*****d, it might be easier to detach. Hate would be a handy emotion at this time. I feel stuck too. Tonight I joined a meetup group in my city for women 40+. I think I am going to force myself to go to one of their events. I need to meet some new people and expand my circle of friends. Not feeling super hopeful these days. Sadly I think my H is quite happy to be a part-time dad and living on his own.
