Whirlwind of Hurt 4

[Again18]

Looking confident and being arrogant are two different things folks. You can be confident without being arrogant. TF I was saying the same prayer a few weeks ago. My wife was on the fence seriously contemplating leaving the relationship. She expressed seriously that she did not know what to do. Obviously, I cannot tell her what to do even though I feel my advice is sound, and that I did not feel our relationship is as bad as she feels that it is. Instead, I prayed to God and I told him it was in his hands. I assured my wife when opportunities arose that I did not blame her that I am very aware that I play a major part in how she feels. I assured her that I know she loves me and that I know she cares about me. But I did not offer up suggestions, or solutions or try and tell her how she must be feeling. I put that in God's hands.

TF my wife has stepped back from that cliff again, and I thank God and glorify him for that because she had to make a very tough decision in her mind to stay. Not saying I won't find myself here again. But at least, for the time being, I feel like I'm standing on firm ground.

If you feel judgment in your heart that your wife is making a bad decision, and no doubt all of us feel that she probably is, but in her mind, she has justified that she is making the right decision, then she senses by your words and actions that you are judging her. She senses that you feel superior to her because you aren't the one walking out and you make it clear that her walking out makes her selfish when in her mind she has rationalized that she has finally built confidence and strength and you can't even acknowledge that. This is what makes you arrogant. Only when you sit her down and take responsibility for your actions (give examples of what those actions look like) in this marriage that has gotten you two to this point and not mention once anything she has done or is doing in an attempt to reflect it back on her will she actually feel like she doesn't have to justify her reasons for leaving anymore. When you tell her that you know that she does care about you, the kids and the family but that you see a renewed sense of strength and confidence that you have not seen in a while in her. That you acknowledge that you know she has had to make some of the toughest decisions in her life and you know that she did not come to this lightly, but you understand she had to make a decision and you respect that. Only then will that weight be lifted off her shoulders. That is when she can start to heal and that is when she will start to see you as a different person than she has been rationalizing you as in her head. Once you start this process though it will not change overnight. All of this takes time. A lot of time. When I did this with my wife several months ago, all she said was wow. However, that didn't mean she trusted me right then and there it took months of her processing it and me showing and saying these things over and over again letting her know that I don't know what she's feeling I can only imagine it's very difficult and I'm available if she ever wants to talk. Good luck TF keep up the good work and don't give up just because hard. But understand this has been hard on her too and yes she's giving up but look at how many times you have contemplated giving up.