She has been initiating more relationship talk lately and I have gone along and just listened. Said how much she is still hurting from 18 years of marriage (lol really it was all bad, I get it rewriting history). Awesome opportunity, tons of validation and didn't defend one point. Said the last few days I have not been available to talk and she is very stressed out about new job offer and needed me for support, said these are the things that I have done in the past and why she is cheating, angry and frustrated, needs support. Still no response on the OM garbage.
Said doesn't want to give up, loves, sees future together...again nothing but validation from, no way I'm returning L word, because I don't for one. Said reengaging IC because needs help, this will be her 3rd attempt, let's see if she follows through.
Later when we got home she got a call from friend of OM, she went upstairs and was talking loudly about some issues and referring to him as BF, etc etc, sounds like more trouble in paradise. I hear all this and call her out, but heck at this point she knows I know everything.
Lost, she was referring to OM as BF? Look we're all about validation here, but NOT if there is an active affair. You need to be a %$^&ing Moai statue from Easter Island around her. She's yammering on and on about not wanting to give up on the M while actively engaging in an affair? Describing all her hurting from 18 year of marriage? NONE of that is worthy of validation. Shut that crap down. BE STONE COLD. Don't engage in ridiculous conversations with her. Your response should be "I am not interested in having R talks with you when you are actively pursuing OM" and then walk out of the room. I understand you may have been unavailable during the M and you are trying to 180 that, but right now is not the time for that. All you're doing is hand-feeding her cake. That's got to stop.
I'm not convinced she is as crazy as you think. Her actions are pretty consistent for a WW. The problem is you're treating her like a WAW rather than a WW, so you are making yourself crazy.
