Really sorry you're going through this FS, it's certainly painful to see "family" events no longer involve your participation! The best recourse for that is to plan something that is just for YOU and the kids. Plan it right now! Maybe something for this weekend or next weekend, but plan it and tell the kids about it. Their excitement will spill over to you and change your mood.
Originally Posted by FlySolo
When does the new normal just become normal?
It varies from person to person but for me it was about a year post BD before I really settled into life without W and dropped the rope and could be pretty much unaffected by things like her taking the kids to do something without me. Definitely by the 18 month mark I was over it. I mean it never -completely- goes away, even now years later if I hear about my ex and kids doing something fun together there's a slight pang there but not enough to change my mood.
Originally Posted by FlySolo
If it stops hurting, does that mean that I have stood down?
"Stood down" sounds like you're asking if you'll quit, but I think "moving on" is a more apt description. You'll never stop loving him (although the love will change from being "in love" to more like loving him as a family member) or just give up and quit or anything like that. You'll slowly come to accept things, deal with them, and move past it. I know it's painful now, and I also know that nothing I say is really going to make it better right now. I remember people telling me "with time you'll get over it and be better" and thinking "no you have no idea what I'm going through." But they were right, I did get over it and now it all just seems like a really bad dream. And you will be better too. Until then just take it a day at a time, or an hour if you can't stand a day. Just focus on getting through the next increment of time with no thoughts about what tomorrow will bring. Get out and GAL and hold hope in your heart.
