Feeling lost, scared and wanting to fix this. Pt 2

[Turbine]

Okay. I have been awake for over an hour. Its 0300. I'm not in a good mood. I am beginning to think I picked the wrong name for the boards. I should have gone with T.I.M. because. I'm feeling rather invisible. There is a story to this and I covered it once.

I am really frustrated, angry, and just in an emotional tempest right now.

I just unfriended someone on FB not because of them but other people he is friends with. They lead off their posts or replies with insults, name calling and vulgarity. I'm sorry, but if this is your opening move or default position you are too effing stupid to waste my time on. Like I said I am in a mood right now. Because part of what I wrote included my thoughts about becoming a statistic on the south or west sides of Chicago. Hey insurance doesn't pay out for suicide but if you are killed by a gang banger all is good. Nothing to explain to family, can skip the note because HEY wrong place at the wrong time.

Don't like that plan? Well how about pack the car with the stuff I deem important and ghost the whole thing. House, W, the D, all of it. Chuck the phone somewhere. the whole thing. You watch enough TV or read enough the process is there.

Of course there is the stop on the bridge over the river on the way to work. Its well above the water. Sit on the edge, use a knife and fall. No way the rescue efforts would be able to do more than recover my body. Piss a lot of commuters off to with all the emergency vehicles blocking the highway. Go out with some fan fare.

Yeah, I know. You have a loving family and grandkids that would miss you. Well right now there is a huge hole in me. A hole that one person can fill and she wants nothing to do with me. She means the world to me and all the advice I read here is it takes time. Yeah okay fine. She knows me and so yeah can see through any tricks. She knows how to push my buttons as well as my sister. I made a choice years ago, HER. Was I neglectful? From her POV yes. I want to make her happy and right now that would be to leave her. Leave her and lie to the world with a smile and say everything is okay when it is anything but.

People come here for help and seeking answers. Not all the answers are the ones we want to hear. MWD promotes "Save your Marriage" then the fine print is not all of them can be.

I watch the numbers on the posts and responses. So people are reading. Yeah everyone here is hurting or has been hurting. So we are supposed to support and help each other. I may be writing things down here and it may sound like I am doing all the right things. It sure doesn't feel like it. Don't pursue. Well if she felt that I was ignoring her then not pursuing seems like more of the same. So at this point it seems like I am facing a loose/loose scenario.

A rant plain and simple. I suppose everyone goes through it. I don't feel all better because the tempest is still there. subsiding... maybe, but not fast enough.

PS. Chatting with the guy. We agree to disagree, are civil etc. So we are going to do a temp block.