Thanks as usual for the comments. I truly appreciate the positive support.
This week has been just quite something for me personally. Handed the keys to the previous place to the landlord and it's finally done with. It felt like a huge closure. That place served as a great base for me to get back on my feet and go through post BD motions. I found my stability and grounding that place and it was a sweet farewell. I thought I'd get emotional, but it didn't turn out that way.
The new place is pretty much fully set up and my mindset has suddenly shifted. Whatever uncertainty I had about the M has dissipated. I feel unbelievably strong and certain now. Like I have just found a reservoir of drive that I didn't know I had. I called the L and booked an appointment next week for a consultation to go over the next steps and what I need to do to get the ball rolling. I have come to a place of zero interest in trying to save the M. I plan on broaching the subject with W after my L consultation and jumpstart the process.
I feel calm and strong. I don't know how else to describe it. Whatever emotions there were about BD and M have finally settled. I don't want anything to do with W anymore and I feel good about the decision. I have never been as ready to D as I am now. This week has just flipped the mental and emotional switch in me.
I am back with a dedicated focus on myself and what I want to achieve. Doing my PT exercises and I am seeing improvements. Slow but steady. I have never been as optimistic about the future as I am now. I feel like I am unbreakable now. I know I have a long journey still ahead of me when it comes to my health and work, but I am feeling determined like never before.
I know the pain and despair of the LBS's that are here. I only write this to show you that down the road, there is something amazing waiting for you - the RECLAIMED YOU! I have just never felt such at peace with myself. Don't get me wrong, I have put in a ton of work for this and had my share of successes and failures. In the past, my failures would've stopped me dead in the tracks. Hell, thinking about potential obstacles was good enough for me to not even start.
I wake up every day with a new found vigor and focus and purpose. As I said, this week has been revolutionary for me. All the things in my mind and heart have finally clicked together and are in symphony. So if anything that can be learned from my journey, don't give up on yourself and your growth and your journey. Life is still ahead of you and it is short.
I know the next steps with W will potentially be difficult, but I am past the point of no return - it's happening whether she likes it or not. I will chronicle the journey here for sure. I am going for the most amicable and non-adversarial approach so that it's just all done. I know what I want and it's stemming from my values, so I know it's the right thing for me.
I am feeling positive and grateful and ready for this part of my life journey. This new place will be full of light, joy, fun, happiness, and perseverance. I know what I want from my life and I am going after it like I have never before.
