So confused

[STH17]

You're not overreacting. I would have felt the same way about that kiss. Sounds like being kissed by a stranger. And you want your H to understand that, but he's fixed on his own perspective and probably feelings of rejection. He's got work to do to learn how to empathize. He probably doesn't know how much work he needs to do.

I could see myself a year ago being as clueless as your husband on how to empathize with your experience of the kiss though. I respect you for telling him how you felt and standing up for yourself.

Hm, reading again, I notice a lot of your feelings you share are actually judgments. You judged he was manipulating you, you judged he was selfish, you judged he was leaving you hanging and was leading you on. Those are judgments of your H's intentions and motives. How did you really feel when it happened? Scared? Excited? Sad? Happy? Loving? Angry?

Hm, I've still got work to do too! I said I would have felt the same way about that kiss, but I guess I mean I would have had the same judgments. I might have felt all those feelings I listed. Scared of being hurt emotionally or taken advantage of physically, excited for what it might lead to, sad that I couldn't trust it and had waited so long for it, happy and loving to finally have a kiss, angry about boundaries being crossed.

So maybe I don't know how you felt. I'm really curious now though.