Twofeet - did you ever have a conversation with her about what you were doing was becoming 'expected' and that you were not getting appreciation from her? Did you show her appreciation for what she was doing? And I mean not just deciding how you felt like appreciating her, but asking her how she would like to be appreciated for pulling her weight? If you didn't, it goes back to my point about communication and understanding expectations clearly. Otherwise both of you were engaging in covert contracts.
Ballast also brought a really good point - the expectation of getting something done from the perspective of both people. What was considered timely? For example, my W would consider doing dishes right after dinner as 'timely', where I saw doing it after putting kids to bed as 'timely'. So if I wouldn't get to it right after dinner, she would get annoyed at me. In turn I would get annoyed because she would just do it rather than let me do it before going to bed. I think this is a big piece that needs to be communicated and understood by both people.
Maika,
Yes I had many conversations with her, and her response was a mirror of mine. We both showed each other appreciation, but I think it was often not enough or in the wrong language ie our own LL. Which follows your last point about communication. I know I had covert contracts and it was likely she did as well. There were many other major factors that contributed to where we are at with her D me. However, one theme that keeps revolving in my head especially after IC pulls off blinders, is that we were two married idiots that didn't know how to properly communicate to each other.
Your point to Ballast was valid in my sitch. Timeliness was important to both of us and while communicated, it is obvious that it was communicated in a way we never understood that importance.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
