Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

I haven't replied to W yet. I had given myself a deadline of today. I tried writing something back to her yesterday, and some more today, but both times I still just find myself feeling angry about what I see as W's nonchalant matter-of-fact attitude towards the situation and her unwillingness to share the burden of driving and expecting me and my mom to do it all. I am angry that W seems to believe son has a new home and his old one with me is not as important. I'm just angry and I feel powerless. Especially now that we're communicating by email about this, I feel like I have to be even more careful with my choice of words. I'd rather we just scream at each other at this point. Like who gives a [pre-emptively censored] anymore? She can't even talk to me on the phone about OUR SON!? I want to tell her how angry I feel about this. Voicing my anger instead of being passive-aggressive would be a 180, but I think I will be just as hog-tied whether or not I tell her what I'm really thinking.

Maybe I just need to spend more time writing every nasty thing I am thinking and want to say to wife, then burn it or something. Writing just this much here shows me how much anger I'm still holding and I have been noticing it growing about older stuff in our relationship too, stuff that's in the past and should have no bearing on my present and future. Is it possible to just let it go? I have been sad this week thinking again about how none of this had to turn out this way, that there was work we both could have done to grow closer, not further apart. I'm just pissed off today.

Thanks for listening.