Thank you everyone for your comments. I’ve been thinking a lot about the cake eating. In some ways, I feel like it would be easier if we didn’t have the kids as I could really get some distance. But we do have them and with him living so close to us, it is just so easy for him to come and go. Good for the kids… ot so good for me. Even though on some level, I like to see him, I could also use some time of not seeing him as my down days seem to coincide with the pop-ins. This morning, he came by to pick up our daughter to take her to her tutoring appointment. He was a bit early so when I came out of my room, he was standing there with a cup of coffee he had poured for himself. He saw me and asked my daughter for her IPad so he could show me a video of a new electric car he thinks is really cool. He is so delusional… news flash… if you and I split up, there is NO WAY you will be able to afford that. But…he doesn’t deal with our finances so he really has no clue about things like that.
FS... I, too, think our sitchs are very similar. I struggle with the “wake up idiot” feeling whenever I am around my H. I know that he doesn’t tell me everything about how he is feeling but I truly want to shake him because outwardly, he looks pretty pleased with himself. Ugh…
Feeling kinda down this morning. Maybe because of the gray weather and the realization that Christmas and 2019 are fast-approaching? I got my new agenda for work yesterday and I was leafing through the pages wondering what my life will be like next year. Makes me anxious to think about it. I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job for the most part DBing and GAL but I still have a long way to go to detach. I wonder if there is a way to do that and still hang on to my love for him. This is a question I ask myself every day. That and I wonder why I would even love someone who has lied to me and our children for so long. Is that love or is it just neediness? The reality is that I don’t think I really know my H anymore…if I ever did. I don’t think he knows himself so how can I possibly know him?
Sigh… two steps forward and one step back. This really is the most challenging thing I have gone through and I’ve lost both my parents to cancer. So glad I am not alone but also very sad that everyone on here is going through similar circumstances. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
