Yes, it's going fine thanks Amoafwl. I am going to the gym most nights and seeing friends so am managing to keep busy. Still hard though at times. Focusing on the positive things though i.e. listening more to the children and helping them build a relationship again with their grandma.
I am not surprised that you haven't seen any papers yet. They say a lot of things but there is rarely any action. It is like they wait for us to react to something [censored] they've done and so that we escalate to the next step. To validate their skewed perception of us so that they can feel better for the damage they've caused. Don't buy into the drama. All the major milestones in our separation were precipitated by me reacting.
Just do what you've been doing. Be calm. Focus on you and the children.
That being said, if the papers do come through then make sure you get legal advice before proceeding. In the UK you have to be separated 2 years before you can have a no fault divorce. Anything before 2 years then one partner files on grounds of the others unreasonable behavior (this could be as mundane as never emptying the dishwasher to providing evidence of adultery). By agreeing to the D, the other accepts that they have been unreasonable. Yes, it's only a piece of paper, and yes, it doesn't impact financial settlement, child care etc, but it's the principle. Take responsibility for the faults that are yours, but do not allow her to railroad you into agreeing into something that is untrue because your emotions are all over the place. It is now that you need to led by your head and not your heart.
Also, make clear that it is not what you want without begging or pleading. "I will get my solicitor to look at this and get back to you. I want to make clear that this is not what I want."
So I have have been paying for my wife's lease on her car for last 3 1/2 years, now we have S I said I am no longer willing to pay the £315 for the next 6 months which is when the car goes back as this works out around £2000. So I have given her 10 days to sort a car out and I will take this and sell my own car.
So what does she do. Well tonight I was supposed to take my son to football as arranged, he tells me he can't go now . as he wants to look for a car with his mum,
Disgusted by this as quite clearly a lie, he is being forced her her and she is trying to blackmail me into not taking the car.
Decided not to even talk to her about it as it will only become an argument. But am I being unreasonable for taking the car back?
I don't think it's unreasonable, BUT it does seem heavy handed. The adult equivalent of not getting your way so you take your ball and go home. It seems a bit controlling and dictatorial as well. While it's well within your rights, is it more or less likely to make her want to reconcile?
I"m not saying you should continue to pay for her lease, but maybe the conversation could have gone like:
You: "Now that we're separated, I don't think it's fair that I keep making lease payments on a car that I'm never going to use. What do you think about that?"
Her: "Hmmmm. I see what you mean."
You: "Why don't I take the car and continue to make the payments, and that way you can buy something that works for you."
Her: "That sounds reasonable."
Honestly, it probably wouldn't work like that. Her initial response would probably be more like "F%$K YOU!", but after she had time to think about it a little while, she'd probably come around, and appreciate that you were attempting to work with her, or at the very least, not resent the $hit out of you for being dictatorial and taking her car.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Yes you are probably right in hindsight it does seem heavy handed I guess.
About R, I really have given up on this now. It's been nearly 4 weeks now and there is more hatred from her now than at any point during those 4 weeks. I am trying to DB but it's hard when she won't remove me from the joint account and has cancelled the kids visits on me twice now and won't put the house on the market.
I am trying to DB but it's hard when she won't remove me from the joint account and has cancelled the kids visits on me twice now and won't put the house on the market.
Is there a legal order about visitation?
What about with regards to the money and the house?
