I think everyone hopes that deep down in their heart. As much as i keep detaching and moving on in life, there still seems to be a part of my that hopes one day she will snap out of it. I catch myself daydreaming or thinking about R and then snap out of it and realize its not happening.
Hopes for R dwindle bit by bit each day.
Very emotional MC today.
Told him about the convo W and I had in regards to D4 seeing OM. I was told that I did not handle the convo correctly and that I cannot control the happiness of D4 if OM is a good man (not abusive, into drugs, or sketchy). If D4 wants to see OM, that it up to her. Me setting the boundary of not allowing her to see W and OM is more about my jealousy.
I broke down completely and felt so helpless.
He continued to talk about my sitch and how it's getting more likely that W and I are on the road to D. And that I should not rush the process and embrace the fact that D is more likely now than ever. He did not say it's an inevitability, he just said it's increasingly likely. He also said that D4 is just seeing two happy people together and not the same as say...D16 seeing that. So...I have to accept that. And I think this board echoed that as well.
The sadder part now has to do with D4's view. I sincerely hoped that W and I's R would be a good one and when it crumbled, so did I. I know that D is a constant (50%). The more I embrace this tragedy the worse the entire outcome seems.
No matter how much GAL I do, no matter how much detaching I do, no matter how much I DB, the weight of this sitch does not get any lighter as time progresses. MWD explains that this journey is jagged with sharp peaks and lows.
I am so very fortunate with the love and support I have been getting from you all. And I'm encouraged at your acknowledgement at my progress since I have started. I feel it as well. I hope that three months from now I am in a better position than I am in now.
This is probably the most traumatic event I experienced so far. I keep hoping I get to the end of the tunnel soon, but I also know that there is a reason I am going through this for so long.
I just hope that I can outlast the pain.
Sandi: I just saw your post above as well as the post following my song lyrics.I am standing up to her and she actually said that I can be a nice guy and still recover from my NGS (I told her I had that...my mistake?). Let me ask you this, do WW feel their R with OM is genuine? Or do they know in the pit of their thinking that it's wrong?
I assume that it is, but I just want some confirmation.
