Starting over...for the final time (pain DB VI)

[sandi2]

I posted another long post right after you wrote the lyrics of that song. You don't have to respond to it, but I wanted to make sure you did read it. It's at the very bottom of page 5.

I think I am caught up, although I had to skim over a few pages. I just wanted to comment on how she is making small talk and playing nicey-nice. She's just temp checking. It's not true progress in getting closer to R. She'll pursue with this type of stuff to keep you attached, until she doesn't benefit from it. You see, the thing about becoming "friends" with a wayward, is that they are more than happy to be friends with the LBH. She'll "use" him for every advantage under the sun......and she won't see him as more than a friend. (Unlike she would if she was not a WW in an affair). This is where some LBH's get confused with the DB Coaches advice. Remember, MWD does not separate the WW from the WAW, therefore, they are going to tell you to make friends before she comes out of the waywardness. IMHO, it does not work with waywards. I can explain why, if you need. This is about the biggest disagreement I have with the coaching advice.

One more thing, if she should suggest taking it a day at a time...….don't buy into her lie. This is a WW's way of maintaining the separation without commitment to the MR. She still dates, while getting support from her H. When she ends all contact with OM, forever, and commits to doing the necessary work to save her MR......that's the path to follow. Commitment and effort are middle names in MR.

BTW, it's okay that you have said that you are paying the price for neglecting her emotional needs, but don't continue saying this type of stuff to her. The WW already blames her H for her actions.....and she doesn't want to accept responsibility for her own behavior. However, before you reconcile, she needs to accept responsibility for her waywardness and the affair with OM. You are not responsible for her affair/cheating. Okay? I'm not suggesting that you run off at your mouth again, trying to repeat what I've said. This is information I'm giving you for later, should she want to reconcile. There's a lot involved, but I won't go into details at the moment.

You have every right to be pi$$ed at her. I've been waiting to see when you would get fed up. You don't have play nicey-nice...….just so you know. You can be civil, and that's all she should expect from the man she's betraying.