I'm doing horribly today. It's the first time in awhile (like maybe in the last month and a half) that I've actually cried. I feel like I'm back where I started. Two things that caused it:
1. A good friend of mine met up with him for a drink. All three of us had actually been friends. In fact, she met him the same time I met him years ago. She told me in advance she was meeting with him. She's thinking about moving from her company to his company and wanted to get some intel from him. It's the first time she's talked to him since this all happened. She told him she knew about him cheating but pretended like she didn't know all the dirty details I had given her. After they met she called me and told me he pretty much gave her the standard messaging he's been giving everyone - yeah, he's sorry he cheated but he was so unhappy in the marriage. However, she told me that she asked him about dating, and he didn't say he was but said there's no shortage of women to date in this city and, compared to the city we used to live in, the women here are not just all about how they look and fashion, they're also athletic and not afraid to get their hands dirty. I felt like that was a dig against me because he used to complain that I didn't like to do the same sports and activities that he liked...which I feel like he always sold me short. It was hard to do the stuff he liked together given we had two little kids.
2. He sent me a text message today inviting me to come watch the World Series at his place while he has the kids. I contemplated going but didn't give him a yes or a no because I know that's cake eating. Then a couple hours later he said never mind. I was no longer invited. That he was just "teasing" me. I got upset, even though I hadn't accepted his invitation yet. I said that's mean to extend an invite and then take it back. He said he was sorry. That he wanted me to come over but he's "conflicted and handling it poorly." I didn't respond but started obsessing over the "conflicted" part, wondering if he means he's conflicted between me and someone else. Ugh.
You're right AnotherStander, I'm not detaching. I wouldn't be feeling like this if I was. I'm having such a hard time doing so. I get angry and then tell myself I'm going to detach and move on, then I get pulled back in or I guess I pull myself back in.
