Still Lost pt3

[burned]

Not sure that I'd call it a threadjack because it's an important topic that factors into a lot of these sitches, I think.

If I'm reading correctly you both have Ws who have suffered physical/sexual/emotional abuse in the past. This adds a layer of complexity to your sitches that doesn't really apply to me. Although you could argue that a strict upbringing by emotionally volatile parents is somewhere in that gray area between "normal" and "abusive." In that case, both my W and me are also in that boat.

We all seek external validation to some extent. What distinguishes the narcissist from a normal person (and I believe narcissistic personality disorder is WAY overdiagnosed these days) is the inflexibility and pervasiveness of how they operate. There's an element of EXPECTING others to validate them, and becoming angry and/or rejecting the other people if they don't comply. Of course it's way more complicated than that but that's sort of the line you have to cross before you start to call it a "disorder."