I think things got derailed a bit here today so I want to try and bring things back in. My original post this morning was to try and get some help with boundaries and in a round about way we are getting there. So here goes attempt #2 with what I have picked up this morning.
Me to W:
Currently I am covering all of the household bills, including all of the luxuries such as Netflix, and internet. When the budget that I emailed remains unaddressed I fell anxious about the bills and taken advantage of. I need you to review the budget I have previously emailed, discuss any changes that you would like to implement and pay your share of the bills. If I remain the only person contributing to the monthly expenses then I will begin restricting access to the Netfix and internet usage. I do not want it to come to this but will have no choice but to implement access passwords if it comes to that.
Thoughts? Am I making progress and laying it out properly?
No, I think you misunderstand what boundaries are. Here's a blurb from a psychology web site:
Quote
What Is Meant By Healthy Boundaries?
According to the IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance Program, “a boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends … [t]he purpose of setting a healthy boundary is, of course, to protect and take good care of you”.
In general, “[h]ealthy boundaries are those boundaries that are set to make sure mentally and emotionally you are stable” (Prism Health North Texas). Another way to think about it is that “[o]ur boundaries might be rigid, loose, somewhere in between, or even non-existent. A complete lack of boundaries may indicate that we don’t have a strong identity or are enmeshed with someone else” (Cleantis, 2017).
This last quote shows that healthy boundaries can also serve to establish one’s identity, as well as what one is responsible for. Specifically, healthy boundaries can help someone define themselves as a person (rather than simply as part of a group or partnership) and can help someone decide what they will and will not hold themselves responsible for.
While healthy boundaries are often psychological or emotional, boundaries can also, of course, be physical. For example, declining physical contact from a coworker can be as important (or more important) a boundary as asking that same coworker not to make too many demands on your time or emotions.
Boundaries don't really have anything to do with expenses, they are in regards to personal welfare. If you're having trouble paying expenses then just say "W, I can no longer meet our monthly expenses, are you in a position to contribute? If not then we will have to cancel Netflix (or whatever)."
