Thank-you Yorkie & FS. Very good points and not lost on me at all. After he left, I thought about it quite a bit and resolved to be less accommodating in the future. It was nice to see him though and to have a conversation that did not involve a lot of hurt feelings. I'm not sure what to think of the self reflection piece. I feel like he has been "hiding" from me for at least four, maybe five years. I remarked to my sister on our drive that in terms of my day-to-day life, nothing has actually changed for me. I see about as much of him now as I did before I found out about his secret life. The only difference is now I know what he is doing and he knows I know so maybe he has a chance to look inward a bit more than before when he was so focused on keeping up the lie. I feel like there isn't much more for me to say though so will concentrate on stepping back and being a little less available. It is tough though... when he is in self-reflection mode, he often likes to run things by me and says it helps. He has another counselling appointment coming up. Hopefully that will help.
We do have a childcare schedule currently in that he has committed to seeing them on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays (afterschool and he takes our daughter to her speech therapy appointment). He also spends Sunday days with them. What he doesn't do is take on any of the organizing and day-to-day household responsibilities. That is my department and always has been. He had the kids at his place overnight on Sunday apparently when I was away. He said he had some computer work that he had to get done. The issue there is that they are in the same room and in sleeping bags. Not a great arrangement when they have to go to school the next day. They would prefer their beds. And...we don't want to invest any money into buying them beds because we haven't decided if this arrangement is going to be long term. We will need to revisit that in the New Year if he is still there.
