Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

Well I'm clearly 2 for 3... if only the Brewers were in the World Series

Met Online girl for what was either going to be lunch or a drink. Not being much of a drinker - especially a day drinker - I would have been fine with lunch but she had eaten so the bar it was. She looked totally like her pictures although perhaps a bit heavier - though she did not hide that fact. Came extremely casual and still looked good but again I much prefer natural beauty over huge make up, nails done, hair perfect. Just not into the high maintenance look. I also thought, wow, she either has confidence or is not all hung up on impressing me (or both) which also impressed me.

Personality wise, she is very much my type but that's in good ways and bad. I'll give some details (as if I'd keep it short) but I'll let you know the conversation was non stop, she touched me quite a bit, we laughed a lot and she was in no hurry to leave - in fact we were together for a little over three hours. I was greeted with a very nice hug and that's how we departed - no kiss but pretty good reason why that I'll explain.

So some detail. She's lived quite the life. I give her total points for honesty. In fact dishonesty is one of my very few deal breakers. She was actually too honest for a first date but she had hinted on a few things on our somewhat lengthy emails but then said she'd explain first "if" we meet and then as the emails continued on, "when" we meet and she made good on it. She is still married - RELAX!!!! I do believe her and do understand as I've seen this before. They have not been intimate in 12 years and have not lived under the same roof in 9. She's had several multi-year Rs since. Why not get D'd? Sounds mostly like insurance and financial - and I'm guessing for him, no offical child support, alimony, etc. She was very open about this and even said should anything develop between us, she would want me to meet him so I can see for myself there is nothing going on here. Some might see this as a problem but for someone like me not at all wanting to get married gain, I see it as an insurance policy. LOL So it's really no issue for me - clearly not at this point.

On another positive, she seems rather casual about dating. She also seemed somewhat into me and again said how good looking I am. I really am not that good looking - at least I don't think so. I always describe myself as reasonably good looking - but she begs to differ and I'll let her. She touched me somewhat often but very naturally, not like overly sexually, just like she was very comfortable.

So some downside, her three kids have a couple of different fathers even though she's only been married once. She either seems to be too trusting, doesn't chose guys well, attracts drama or (let's hope not) likes it???? I hope it's the earlier ones. I'm surprised she told me about this but it did fit her story of how she came back to this area. She moved back here from Seattle several years ago - in great part because a guy got her to come back. He promised her all sorts of things, including really wanting to have an R with her and she believed him. He's not only no longer in the picture but someone she can't bare to see again. Perhaps it was because she started tearing up and I could obviously see it that she gave me the rest of the story. I grabbed her hand and told her I'm sorry for whatever happened and we don't' need to talk about this on a first date. She said it was okay and pulled up a news story on her phone about a federal agent who is awaiting trial on multiple rape charges. The headlines called him a possible serial rapist with currently three women claiming he raped them. Yep, she is one of the three and he is the guy who got her to come back. He's pleading innocent and claims it was all consensual sex. He's out on $10K cash with an ankle bracelet. Would she have said anything had she not teared up? Who knows? - but here's the first hint at why I didn't try to kiss her.

We had great discussion about all sorts of things. She's very open and honest which I very much connect with. Other than she's somewhat thicker than my typical, she's very much my type looks wise - and was a total hottie until menopause started and she shot up by over 50 pounds. Again, she just blurted it out and is halfway back to her typical weight. Even though she was very honest about a few of her things, and even though it would not be the first time I've disclosed my addiction on a first date, I did not. I will before too long as I'm honest, it's a part of me and it's 9 years in the rear view mirror - plus my Google history can be somewhat easily found.

After about three hours we both said we should probably move along. We had already talked about going to see a musician she enjoys seeing, who recorded in my studio many, many years ago, so I told her I'd find out where he was playing and we should go - which she thought was a great idea. I told her I'm busy all weekend (which I am) but open the following weekend so let's plan on it. I gave him my number (again) and told her to text me so we can connect without me having to go back OLD. I was not even home yet when I got the text. We texted a bit then I said I was going on a walk. I shot her one more text answering a couple questions she had but not until three or four hours later into the evening. She responded right away but said goodnight so that was that. We've not connected since.

Of course, now I've been hearing more and more from Wild Girl. There is absolutely no way she could know I met someone for an afternoon date but isn't this always the way? It is sooooooo ironic, and I told Online Girl this, how I tried for years OLD and never had a second date from it. I gave up several years ago and really only was back to see why I was getting emails and how I could get them to stop and NOW is when I meet someone. Like with Wild Girl, there are red flags - the rape obviously being among them. She says she's first looking for a friend and someone to do things with but I also sense she falls quickly for guys. She seems interested in me - otherwise why stay so long, why text right away, etc. But she also said how she doesn't like it when guys want things so fast, want to get physical too fast, etc. She seems a bit flighty - she actually "forgot" to meet someone for a coffee date on Monday. Her kids were off school and she totally forgot until going to meet me - which she claims she wrote herself a note and blew off friends to meet me - saying that doesn't happen a lot. She said she appologized to the guy but has not heard back. She also had some pretty funny other OLD stories.

Clearly there is something about me that she finds attractive. She could/would clearly be a cruise backup but it's obvious Wild Girl is planning on going and getting more excited about it. Should that change, this OLD girl would be a perfect fill-in. Of course I also wonder, how far do I want to take things, knowing I'm still dating and likely still sleeping with Wild Girl. I don't want to put myself in a bad position. I'll be honest with both of them, but especially at this age, some women get very odd about that. Earlier on Wild Girl said several times I could date other women. When I questioned or pushed her on that - first asking if this was a test and then saying "You really would be fine with me dating someone else?" She said, "You can date whomever you want... I may not ever go out with you again but you can date whomever you want..." I took it as a test. That was in the first weeks and we've not really talked about it since. I am assuming she's hung out with other guys but that is total assumption. I really don't know.

So I'm just taking it day by day. Oh the kiss, I wasn't sure if she wanted it or not. I figured I pretty much knew we were going out again so why risk it. I pretty much already had a real date setup so using sales principles, once you have the sale, don't do anything to ruin it - an unwanted kiss after a meet and greet, especially by someone who has gone through what she has - could have made her think I was just looking for physical. So if or when we go on the real date, that will happen. Like I said, she greeted me with a great hug and grabbed my hand and held it for like 20 seconds within the first five minutes so I'm pretty sure the physical attraction is there.

I'll stop here as I'm sure there will be more and I can talk more about where I sit. It's interesting though how the dynamic is already different - I feel a better fit with Online Girl than with WG but obviously the sexual attraction is not the same level and I'm still very much figuring this new girl out - including watching these red flags. If she's as casual as she claims, it might be another great fit for what I'm looking for. We'll see.