I am going to go with the detached friend approach. I know it enables his behavior but I really couldn't cope with the angry monster again. I will say "no" more often though so he knows my life doesn't revolve around him anymore.
My days are fairly normalised now so at the moment my updates are really just me journaling my (very mundane) days and working through the tunnels in my head.
The kids are on a weeks holiday so I am having to work from home most of this week. I left my wallet at work on monday so one of my colleagues offered to bring it back with him last night (he lives in the same town) as I won't be in the office again for a few days. We agreed I would drop by his flat to pick it up from him today. When H came over this morning to spend an hour with the kids before he went to work I explained that I needed to pop out to pick up my wallet. He expressed displeasure - "why didn't you get it from him yesterday" (he was at work during the day); "why didn't you pick it up last night" (I didn't want to drag the kids out), "I need to leave by X can't you do it later" (no. I will do it now) - and also a bit more of the passive aggressive behavior I've seen a bit of lately "that's convenient that he lives so close" (yes it is).
It is strangely empowering watching him want to ask me more questions/get angry at me, but not being able to ... because WE ARE SEPARATED and he has no right to question or get angry.
I remember the faces he would pull when I'd mention a male work colleague. How he would suddenly become sulky and more critical. I paid it no mind at the time, but looking back I now see it for what it was - jealousy that he buried (because he would have hated to admit he was jealous) which over time turned into resentment.
