I guess this is piecing

[Accuray]

While driving I put my hand on her leg. Didn’t even really think of it... She said no.

You simply have to stop pursuing 100%. You say "yeah yeah I'm going to" but then each interaction you have with her you're pursuing her.

From her perspective, you look like a big backed up dam of emotion that is literally spilling over the top and leaking from all the seams. She's going to be worried that if she gives you an inch you'll take a mile. If she leans back in that dam is going to come crashing down and you're going to sweep her away in your wake.

You have to make this worse before it gets better. The best thing you can do would be to go dark. Make her wonder what you're up to. Make her wonder why you're suddenly disinterested. There is no wondering about your mental state in your current course of action and that is going to work against you forever and keep you stuck right where you are or worse.

I also would *not* do MC right now. No way. The MC is going to get you to talk about your feelings and what you want in front of W, and you should *not* be doing that at all. You'll say you want to get back together and list all the logical reasons why. She'll say she's not sure. You'll play out pursuer/distancer in front of the MC. He'll suggest a few things for her to do or try and she'll do 25% of them half-heartedly and you'll get nowhere.

MC doesn't work at all unless both parties are motivated to make things better. MC should be a condition of you taking her back, which implies she first needs to *convince* you to take her back. You're 100 miles away from that point emotionally between the two of you, so starting MC would be a bad idea. Tell her you know longer want to do it and don't explain yourself. Just say you're not interested.

You're playing a game of poker right now and you're showing her all your cards. If you do MC, the therapist will also prompt you to show her the next few hands you plan on having and how you're going to play them. Bad bad bad. Hold your cards close, don't tell her what you're thinking, how you're feeling, or anything. Share no intimacy. Don't offer to meet up or do things together, don't make any offers. If she puts forth an offer accept them infrequently. When you do something with her be happy, polite, and pleasant, but not personal, and do not even appear interested in physical intimacy of any kind.

You're digging yourself a huge hole here with your pursuit and it needs to stop. It will require self-discipline. Are you up for it? If you don't believe some or any of this, argue with us about it, don't try your theories out on W and "see how it goes". I can predict how it will go 100% and it won't be good.

Acc