So... much todo about nothing. He showed up with a bottle of my favourite wine and said he just wanted to “hang out”... no particular reason. So we chatted for a while about his work... and then mine... about our kids and then a little bit of R talk. It wasn’t a planned thing but it was a natural progression with both of us talking more philisophically than anything. My H feels like because of my education and my upbringing, I’m a little ahead of him on the emotionally developed scale. He says he was preoccupied with work the last week but is going to another counselling appointment this week to get back to figuring himself out... “time for some more self reflection”. He tells me he doesn’t have an end goal in mind but did admit his little place is “getting a bit old”. He still has no plan other than to figure himself out and to figure himself out. He says he has “pressed pause” on his heart - not just in terms of his feelings for me but also his feelings for anyone else. He maintains he has no interest in looking for love elsewhere. We also talked a lot about the concept of happiness and I told him that if I have felt unhappy, my practice has always been to ask myself what I was doing or thinking to cause myself to feel that way. He admitted that that is not something that he has always done. He was interested in my activities of late. I told him that I have been enjoying myself and remembering who I was before but that I lived on my own for several years before him and I know myself quite well. He wondered if not ever having lived on his own has contributed to his situation now. I also told him that I am happy to spend time with him and talke about things but that if that we end up divorced, I won’t be able to be his “friend”. He said he understood that and also admitted that for the past 13 years I have been his best friend. We talked a bit about my proposal which he is “mulling over”. I told him that I’m not sure I could do that to the kids anyway as they are used to seeing me every day. He does have them for five days in mid-November when I am playing in a pool tournament. It’s in my city but I am basically only home to sleep. So, after about an hour of talking, he had to get going. He thanked me for the conversation. Said, as usual, he will take what we talked about and spend some time processing all of it.
So... probably broke some rules regarding no R talk but I don’t think it did any damage. It was not an emotional conversation but it was direct and honest and we did talk about some serious things. But...like I said...it was also quite philosophical in nature too so I don’t think he experienced it as threatening or pressure. Time will tell I guess but overall, I feel good about it. Thank you all for your good wishes and your advice. I appreciate it so much.
