Right now, I am forcing myself to believe that W is not coming back. Especially since we both know and expressed that D is a viable option. So it is all one big question mark.
I made tremendous progress in the last three months and just hit a brick wall (pursuit). No more tea leaf reading. Working on being even a better..."pain" (You can call me "Z"...more namelike). It feels like Day 1 of the DB process but I am now aware of what not to do.
Where I get insecure is my fear of being alone. I don't need someone else to make me happy, but I have always yearned to be loved and touched/hugged/intimate. It's been 10 months so far and I see no end in sight. Those feelings bring me back to my pre-W days when it took me 17 years just to get a girlfriend. 17! This was through high school, college and five years post-college!!! That is the depressing part. And that PTSD has roared back. In a big way. W's cheating has mutated it into something truly awful.
