Husband cheated, left, trying to DB 6

[BluWave]

You made progress for a good amount of time then pursued and had to try again?

I've been struggling with depression since I was 8 (kids picked on me, girls thought I was disgusting, etc.). I did not get formally diagnosed until my last year of college. Since that it's been drug after drug and now, a cocktail of a anti-depressant and anti-anxiety pill. I'm 37 now.

Whee.

Pain, I didn't make progress, not at all. In my thread I talk a lot about how I couldn't follow the rules and I think it just pushed him away further. I do wonder if I had DB'd from day one of BD, if he would have ever left. My reactions were extreme and I know it scared him off. I was raging one moment and crying begging the next. I told him if he couldn't commit to the M 100% then to get the h3ll out of the house. And so he ran. To her. There was a long time that I struggled with him being gone and trying to DB (about 4-6 months). It wasn't until he left her, barely came back, and then left again, that I finally threw my hands up and surrendered. At this point I got much better at it and he did a sharp 180 about 5 months later and came back. Knowing what I know now, if I had done that since day 1 (just let him go), I don't think he actually would have left. Can't change the past tho....

I am sorry to read about your depression and self medicating. It is so, so hard. I have struggled with that too and even the first couple years after H came back. I would take so many pills just to try and sleep through the night or get through a day. It got pretty bad ... Can you try and look at your time without WW as a time to do some self care and work on this? We talk about this being the gift of time and in your case, it really could be. It all depends on how you think about. Her coming back and the M being restored would not fix the depression. You know that. One silver lining I have found in my sitch is that I have been forced to really look hard at myself, with and without my H.

Blu