Starting over...for the final time (pain DB VI)

[burned]

This has happened before and she is setting me up again...right?

Looks like she hooked you with the call that you did have to answer about D4. Legit. And then went on to the other stuff blah blah blah. I'd say shut that down if you can, next time. "Great, D4 is OK, glad to hear it." She says "Oh and hey what are you wearing for Halloween," and you say, "Sorry, I'm getting another call, gotta go!" Click.

Unless you like being plan B?

Also, I was the one who initially brought up D (out of emotion). Now I'm stepping back. With this impending fight about true separation, how should I handle the D talk when she says "Well you wanted it!"?

Good advice from Davide is to just let it sit. If she ever says "So what about that?" you say, "It was in the heat of the moment and I'd like to think about it some more." Then just let it hang, indefinitely.

My W has never once said the word "D" and yet has goaded me into threatening it, twice. It's what they want. Feeds into the "poor me" narrative. And they know how reactive we are, so they use it against us.