Anxiety is a biological signal that indicates that you need to freeze, fight, or flee.
Being frozen is useless. Fighting makes it worse. So...why not flee?
Spitballing here...can you take a "vacation" for a week or two? Clear your head, take a breath, give you each a little bit of time, a little bit of space. Wondering what the others on here think, I mean I can see how this could backfire but for it might give YOU a chance to regroup.
Edit: what I mean is stay in a hotel for a bit. Or at a friend's place.
Last edited by burned; 10/23/1806:52 PM.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
You'll be OK Lost, don't beat yourself up too much. You don't really get immune to the temp checks until 2+ years post BD. You're not even at 6 months, it's totally normal to succumb to the pull of a good temp check. But you'll find that each time you bounce back much faster.
thanks AS, I know I will be back in the saddle. Yeah the temp checks and tests I am gullible to. Have to continue to take them for what they are and resist expectations.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Burned leaving is not an option. My S14 would not get the care he needs. It’s not that I am assuming all of the responsibilities, she is incapable and he I would not leave him with her to be the sole provider.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Wed AM update, feel a lot better today, had to vent some frustration yesterday sorry. Cleaned up yard after blustery weekend, helped son with homework, cooked good dinner for him and I, got haircut, bought some new fall clothes, talked to some strangers for a while in the store. Good to interact and laugh again. One day at a time. Working on some more GAL activities for rest of week.
Funny though, weekend with WW Fri through Sun and then most of the evening Mon......then NC from 10PM Monday through today so far. Not hurting about it, I swear it makes it easier because I DO NOT initiate convo but seem to have difficulty with responding when she reaches out. She has always said that I don't answer texts or phone in the past. Trying to balance minimal contact and doing a 180 on responding to messages.
And the mind of a WS......there really should be more medical studies on it. Crazy how their moods are all over the place and can shift on a dime.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Right Steve! But it almost seems like there are certain personalities or mental issues that make a wayward more susceptible to being able to act in this manner. I know I suffer from NGS but through reading and practice can realize the things I have been doing and can work to improve those behaviors. I think there is 0% chance that I would ever be able to step out and create that much havoc and hurt though to a family and spouse. I just don't think chemically my brain/heart would allow me to do so in the same manner a WS does.
Last edited by lost8; 10/24/1803:50 PM.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I've seen several articles relating relationship issues to Meyers-Briggs personality type, but I am not sure how much research vs. theory go into those.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Right Steve! But it almost seems like there are certain personalities or mental issues that make a wayward more susceptible to being able to act in this manner. I know I suffer from NGS but through reading and practice can realize the things I have been doing and can work to improve those behaviors. I think there is 0% chance that I would ever be able to step out and create that much havoc and hurt though to a family and spouse. I just don't think chemically my brain/heart would allow me to do so in the same manner a WS does.
I think its being a narcissist. At the end of the day, their happiness trumps everything else.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
EQ, that is my fear that my WW is truly a narcissist which from everything I have read says run and don't look back. At first that was my thinking but past behaviors were not this extreme and I have been thinking a lot about it. Something changed 6 or 7 months ago, how can someone become that unrecognizable by their actions?....to not just me but family and friends. Can a narcissist repress that personality for the majority of 19 years as in my case?
If she is a narcissist then no DB techniques will ever change her or make it worth the effort to R if the opportunity arises.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
