Hello Pain, I saw your request for me to look at your stitch and give my thoughts. I am in the process of reading it now. Before going further, there is something I think needs clarified. I read Vanilla's post about you having a WAW, not a wayward. I admire Vanilla very much and do not wish to post any disagreement with her advice. She was a WAW, herself. We are usually in agreement about WW's. So, I thought perhaps one of us misunderstood your first post where you told of your W making attractive changes in herself and later she admits to kissing a guy. She goes on to say she wants to have "hall-pass" on weekends. My question is, did you separate before she started taking these hall-passes, or after she announced she wanted it? She wanted hall passes in order for her to date, correct? I just want to be clear.

IMHO, waywardness begins in the heart. It is formed from unresolved resentment, disrespect, and finally....rebellion. Other negative issues are often included, but these three make up the main foundation. What I am saying is that waywardness is more than just overt behavior that is inappropriate for a spouse. It starts with her having these resentments she can't get past and it eventually affects her respect for her H as a man. When the respect is damaged, it kills her desire for him. A sexually starved MR is often the first sign her desire for him is waning. She may continue to live with him, raise a family, etc. However, she carries these feelings in her heart. She may show him some levels of disrespect by the way she talks to him, or puts him down as a man, etc. She may never physically cheat on him. IMHO, the physical cheating is not the only defining behavior of waywardness......but many H's don't get too concerned until they know another man has entered the picture. Many WW's have emotional affairs. Anyway, I explain more in my threads, "Help for the LBH with a WW".

I think, perhaps, Vanilla read your post to mean that the separation took place well before your W found a boyfriend and started dating. Like, when the couple has been apart for a while and then she finally dates someone...….which is different, (in my book), than wanting to separate in order to date other guys. Sometimes, they keep the OM hidden until S, and then suddenly he shows up after separation. smirk Anyway, I read it to mean she was maybe showing some signs of waywardness, admitted to kissing a guy and followed up with bomb drop of wanting hall passes......and then the separation followed. Maybe you can help clear it for us. In the meantime, I will finish reading your threads and get back soon.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!