I've just re-read the pursuit and distance thread and have a couple of questions. Hopefully someone can help.
I have been detaching for a while now and, other than a few fairly big setbacks, I've stuck with it. The results have been good - he no longer avoids or ignores me. He no longer scowls when he looks at me. Whilst I have no expectations that this will lead to R it does make life easier for everyone.
My question is this. We spend a lot of 'family' time together. Sometimes it is at his request ("why don't you come with us to mums"), sometimes I will ask him to stay for dinner/have a cup of tea when he drops/picks up the kids. I asked him to join us for my family birthday lunch. He sometimes says yes, he sometimes says no. Same when he asks me. I don't expect him to say yes and I am not outwardly disappointed when he says no. There have been times when I have said no and he has accused me of being awkward or passively aggressively indicated that I am hurting the kids. Mostly he just accepts the no and waves me goodbye.
Is asking him to join us for family activities pursuit? Is saying yes when he asks me to spend time with him and the children pursuit? Is letting him come over to visit the kids even when it isn't on the schedule pursuit?
He seems to enjoy the extra time with the kids. He doesn't seem to hate spending the time with me. The kids love seeing us together. My invites aren't making him run for the hills.
When asking him to hang out with us or saying yes to invites to hang out with them I think of him in the same way as MIL (I would ask her to stay for dinner / say yes if she asked me to stay for dinner). Is this the right way to think of it?
I don't want to be awkward (as we are in a good place) but all the time we spend together seems to be counter to the DB'g principles.
