I'm feeling very heavy hearted and do not want to go to work today. I also don't want to drive D4 to school, deal with clients, go to the gym, or make any plans. I just want to lay in bed and cry all day. I want to cry about an amazing woman I lost. I want to cry at the prolonged lack of affection that I'm facing, I want to cry about being single again, possibly into my 40s, I want to cry at the thought that I can never father children again, and I want to cry about coming home regularly to an empty home.
And I know I can't. Any scenario I am facing right now, I see hopelessness and loneliness...and it's just as ugly as it was when I dealt it pre-W.
I am going to in a lot of awful pain for a long time and I have no idea when/if it will end.
