Hello everyone, I know I haven't updated in a little over a month so I'd like to share what has happened and also ask for some advice. After the "date" I last shared, things dropped off very quickly. I felt her retreating so I did the same and there wasn't much contact at all. After the date, I really did get my hopes up and then I felt like I lost her AGAIN, which was very hard on me. We did get into a big fight about 3 weeks ago, and she told me that she never wants to hear from me or see me ever again. That day I realized that no contact was my only hope to detach myself from this roller coaster to avoid more pain, and I began to truly accept that it was over. So I did successfully complete no contact for a few weeks, and I feel much calmer and detached from the situation. She called me from her sister's phone the other day to ask me some random car questions (because she knows I wouldn't answer her number). I used validating statements and acted like I was talking to a customer or somebody I don't really know (but I was upbeat, no personal talk).
She asked if I could meet up the next day because "she hadn't seen me for a while". I told her that I couldn't that day but the day after I could for a few minutes to grab coffee. When I arrived at starbucks, she said instead of coffee I'll take you to TGI fridays for your birthday (which was 2 days earlier). I told her thank you but I didn't have time. So we had our coffee and that was it, no personal R talk or anything like that. She asked me how I was, said I looked good and happy, and I said yes I'm doing well, and you? She said that she feels depressed, sad, doesn't eat much, and very stressed out. I noticed she had lost weight and looked bad in general (she's very thin as it is so her appearance worried me). I told her to take care, try to eat more. Then some small talk. She texted me a few times for random things and I'd respond the next day or not at all, etc. We were supposed to meet up last night for me to give her some mail (I offered to give it to her sister but she "wants to see me", I told her I couldn't meet last night but possibly tonight I can).
Last night, her father calls me. I haven't talked to him since before BD (he lives out of state and honestly we were never very close). He said he heard last month that we aren't together and that my ex just got off the phone with him after talking for a few hours. He told me that my ex said that she "wants to R but that she feels as though it's too late since she can tell that I've moved on." He said that "she is willing to sit down with me and talk about what each of us needs to happen for this to work". But then she started crying and said "that it's too late, and she's afraid to approach me since she knows that I've moved on".
As long as I've known him, he's an honest, serious man who never before has tried to give me relationship advice or even talk about our relationship. He said that he wouldn't have called me but in his heart he feels as though I need to know what his daughter is feeling and if I want to work this out, if I let my guard down a little, she will do the rest. He told me not to tell her that he called. I told him exactly this "I know that you're not lying to me, but I don't get that vibe from her at all. We got into a big fight and she told me that she doesn't want to see or hear from me again and I've been respecting that. She tries to get in touch with me but never talks about us. If she wants to work it out so bad, why doesn't she give me a clue?" and he said "You know my daughter is way too proud and her pride gets in the way. She's afraid to reach out and get shot down. You need to trust what I am saying, she literally told me all of this about 10 minutes ago. If you don't want to work it out, I respect that and I will never bother you with this talk again. But if you do want to work it out, then take my advice and let your guard down". I told him that I'd be open to talking with her about it but that right now I can't really say if I want to get back with her.
So, I need some advice guys: First, let me say that I really do want to work things out with her, I just don't want to get hurt again, so I know I need to stay detached (which, this time, I feel that I am ready for. I feel much stronger now then a month ago). Tonight we are supposed to meet up at starbucks. Do I keep things "detached" like I planned to before the phone call with her dad? Or do I let my guard down just a little to see how she responds? Thanks for listening guys, even though I haven't updated in a month I've been reading the threads and everyone's advice is so much help.
