Steve, Davide and Blue, thank you, I was spinning bad last week and it helped me to read all your posts Nothing great to report from my side, seems like we will file through Ls, I have shared my info with him and he is deciding on how we wants to proceed. What a crazy, fool he is, burned everything we built to the ground, but well I keep telling myself it is his loss, unfortunately he is bringing our family down with him too. I spoke to him about continuing mediation last week. he is still the same, angry and yelling, he said I was cocky at the mediator's and is going to fight me in the court. Even after 3 months of staying away from home, his attitude towards me has not improved, still is an active volcano. I am better off not even talking to this man. I am far from fully detached though, I am still getting stronger each day , I have come far in the last 8 months, I went from just having a baby to being told he is done with the MR. I probably took way longer than a few others but each of us has to find our own rhythm to healing fully. I GAL as much as I can, immerse myself with work, talk to a few good friends and spend time improving myself, my personality, tending to my emotional and mental well being. I have found comfort in reading and listening to spiritual teachings, very unlike me but I am trying to find some meaning to all this chaos. I have also realized I wont stop loving H, and somewhere deep down I know that is okay too. I can still cut him out of my life, he is toxic but I am working hard on my side to forgive him. I need to do this for my own sanity. I may have to sell the home, especially if we end up in the court, but it make take us at least 6 more months to put it on the market. It makes me sad to give up my home but I am making peace with it. I am praying I do not lose more time with my children, but if I have learnt anything in the last 8 months it is that there is no point worrying about what may happen or unfold in the future. I did that for 5 months and it did not improve my life in anyway, i just tortured myself more. Whatever happens I know there is a higher power that will give me the strength and see me through it. My Ds are doing well, the baby will be a year old in a few weeks, she was a newborn when all this started. My DDs give me so much joy, I forget all my worries and pain when I am with them. They have been my strength through this, my purpose to push forward. I am blessed that I have them to pour all my love out to. I continue to hope and pray that my life and sitch improves, whatever direction that maybe, I hope the same for you all.
