update, saw my IC today, cam to th conclusion that I need to share my schedule with WW. give her some responsibilities and effort to. co -parent. sent her this message ... opinions?
WW, went hiking with the dogs at little granite mountain, sat down and contemplated. As it dawned on me and things have slowed down, this is our new norm. And my thoughts always circle around on how to help adjust to this or even try to define to D14 what is “normal” with her family now. as i was wallowing in my own thoughts, i’ve realized that my actions towards trying so hard to protect D14 and not sharing my schedule, is based on my emotions, pride, anger and spite. I have come to the conclusion and realization that we now have separate lives. I would like to think that imin a better place now but i need to move on to figure out how to make it work for D14..
she doesn’t have anybody but a parent for now. she needs parents, not just a parent. And I know I can’t be there every minute, every situation and everything a teenager child goes through. For now, you and I have to live with the fact that she will not make this easy. Asking her to forgive and forget is never going to happen within our set time. It will be on her time as to when, I can’t answer that, she is 14 and can be as stubborn as us. But action speaks louder than words. We do what we need to do to earn her respect and like it or not, it will not be so easy. But there are more pressing things that I have to plan for her. Not only that I have to continue providing her needs, I also know that I have to think about situations if I am sick or unavailable to meet her needs. She will still need you to step up.
One of us have to be with her at home specially by 7pm. Provide dinner if she has not done so. If she does not respond to you, just have something for her. If you can’t, I need you to let me know ahead of time so I can figure something out. D14 does not warm up to the idea that she has to be “propped” up with friends. She developed a deep feeling of shame and embarrassment about the situation. Not even when those friends does not know the whole story or the truth. We can’t blame her for that. She will be alright by herself at home.
Time, finances, medical, education, and emotional support - that is something you and I need to work on together for her. I will not ask anymore from you other than make her “the priority”. And I know that I need your help on that.
and not that you would care, the only people that know about our situation are the same people you have spoken to. i haven’t even told my side of the family. my brothers loved and treated you more than our real sister and they would be devastated. i still and will still respect you as a person.
