A new mindset for Burned. This is thread 7.

[burned]

It’s funny, it doesn’t feel like progress at all. Maybe you outside observers have a better perspective. At this point I’m frankly just annoyed at myself for allowing her to continue invading my thoughts. I feel stagnant. I guess being calm is better than spinning, but it all feels like a kind of failure. And maybe that’s because I’m impatient and I need to be thinking more long-term. I mean at this point I’m comfortable just letting things be. But it’s interesting to me that suddenly people are saying “You’ll find someone nice,” rather than, “You have a chance at repairing your M.” Guess I was a little too late for that. Or not? Maybe the “progress” is the fact that I’m starting to let things be rather than trying desperately to make something happen. But I’ve already done so, so much damage.

And yet here I am, not D yet, so I can’t say I haven’t “busted” anything, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.

What a very bizarre mix of hope and despair. But I know what I need to do, and I know it will be good for me in the long run I think. This would be so much easier if I still lived in the city. Not an excuse, just an observation.

Random thoughts. Tomorrow is a new day.