Good day today. Nothing specific, work and spending time with kids.
Work was busy so not much time to wallow in self pity today. Work has been busy for weeks (which is a great distraction) but means I've not been able to get to the gym much. And I miss it. Funny, I didn't go for 15 years and am missing the gym after not having gone for two weeks.
When I got home today, the girls and I ordered take-away and watched funny YouTube videos together. D8 has one of those uncontrollable belly laughs that come from the pit of her stomach. Oh to be 8 again. We have also gotten into the habit of doing karaoke to youtube to songs. I love that we do this now. Strangely, their favourite songs to sing to are "This is me", "Sorry, Not Sorry" and "I'm still standing". They ask for these songs when we are driving around in the fancy car H bought 2 months before BD. The three of us singing songs about being yourself, living life after breakups and not being sorry, whilst he drives, makes me smile even now.
It is school holidays at the moment so H came around this morning to watch the girls for a few hours before he went to work. MIL was coming to take over from him later in the day. We had time to have a coffee together and it was cordial. He did feel the need to tell me that his friends are coming down and they are all going out next sat. He tells me his plans a lot now but only the plans he has to catch up with buddies. He doesn't mention his dates at all. Interestingly, he asked if I'd had hair extensions. I'm in my 40's so, no, I have not had hair extensions. I think he is seeing FS the person again, and not the demonised version of me that was in his head. Which is positive. He also mentioned one of his friends might be splitting up from their wife. He is always mentioning or asking about friends who are splitting up. I think this is because it normalises his actions a bit. Turns us into a statistic. I don't fall for the bait so just simply say "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that".
But like I said, it was pleasant enough. The most free flowing conversation we've had in a long time. So, I thanked him for watching the kids at short notice, wished him a great day and told him I'd see him when I see him.
But it was all so very pleasant. So very casual. This detaching thing is hard.
I remember asking a friend of mine who split up with her partner of 11 years 4 years ago, how long it took before she felt whole again. She said she knew they wouldn't get back together when he moved out but she knew it didn't hurt anymore when he came around 6 months later to pick up the last of his things. She asked him in for coffee, they chatted for a bit, then he took his stuff and left. Basically the same interaction H and I had this morning. She felt nothing. My heart still breaks thinking about him and it's been 7 months.
