I know it's tough. Take some time out, let the emotions subside a little. Decide if D is what you really want. Things may be different when you take all the hightened emotions out of the equation. Or they may not. But examine your reasons for wanting the D in a more rational frame of mind.
It started in the afternoon when D4 told me about their continued demonstration of PDA in front of her. I calmly asked her to stop. W denied it but I do not believe her. She is lying. While I have not told that yet, I have fully embraced that NOTHING she says is true. I then made a mistake of telling her that I am getting tired of this. I told her that she knows what I want and I cannot convince her. She acknowledged at all of the positive changes I made and I validated them, followed by telling her the weight of the S is taking a toll on me and I do not know how much more I can take. Civil conversation.
Then I saw the emails later that evening and I crashed. Hard.
I did not mention to her that I saw them...yet.
But I told her that I cannot deal with this anymore. And how can I? She's slowly killing me and she has the audacity to say that she is worried about my health for D4. I told her that D4 and I will be fine. I again repeated that I want this painful chapter in my life to be over so I can be happy again without this weight on me.
D is not what I want at all. But my options have practically run out. And it was ME who brought up D. Not her. She does not want it and refused to say that word. I had the brevity to say it because again if it will break me free, I will do it. I refuse to stay in limbo any longer than I need to.
Originally Posted by FlySolo
Hows the GAL going?
Total failure last weekend. Tried to play with D4 and take my mind off things, but I mostly stayed in bed and cried. I popped two Xanax last night just so that I can catch up on needed sleep. I lift tonight then I go to my home to sleep in MY bed. I am really trying to GAL but it's getting harder and harder. I work until late then I have to lift. After that, I pray and drive back. When W is with OM I have D4, in which I try to engage with but it's very hard to keep up. I need to be a better father to her especially in this difficult time.
