28 Years!

[NIBS]

Such great input! I will take all this advice and apply it to my daily routines. I will get out and GAL somehow, even if I am not really enjoying it yet, hope I will with time.
In the state I am in, there is no separation agreement that gets filed with the courts. You simply have to separate for a year and at the end of the year when you file for Divorce, you have to prove you have been separated. You can prove this several ways, but mostly by having a certain "separation" date in writing (I suspect this is why she sent the email) and a witness to testify that we have been living separate. My oldest daughter or her mom would be this witness. Simply saying we do live in separate rooms and have had our finances separated. All of which is factually true. We are not fighting at all over money or the kids, we both agree 50/50 is best for kids and she is too stubborn and prideful to ask for any money from me, which is great.
She went to my first IC meeting at my urging. She did not want to go, but went with "my" best interests, she says. So my IC could hear her side at the beginning and hope it helps me move forward. The IC was terrible! 90 minutes of how do you feel etc. I was wide open and honest, so was the wife. The IC did 30 min with me , 30 mins with her and 30 mins with both. After, the wife told me the IC told her how strong of a woman she was, and asked her if my wife was afraid of me physically (I'm 6'2 about 220). For the record, I have been faithful my entire marriage and never even a hint of physical abuse to her or my kids, I'm just not built that way. Would NEVER harm female, period. Needless to say I have not gone back to that IC (plus it cost me $500).
So I need to move on somehow. Do I move out? I don't want to for several reasons, first being time with my daughter. Second, I demonstrate my ability afford 2 houses, do not want to pay for 2 houses. I'd be broke broke.
Third, why should she get a nice big house to play girls gone wild in?

Today I find myself moving from a sadness to anger. How dare she! blah blah blah - I'm mad!
Reflection tells me, "Hey dude, you are still making it all about her" stop and focus on yourself.

So about 2 weeks ago, we sat the kids down and told them what was going on. The kids cried at first, asked a few questions and seemed to take it well. The wife was stoic! I have never seen her so stone faced, emotionless in the face of her kids. Having known her for almost 30 years, I can seriously say, I have NEVER seen her be this way especially in front of the kids. Her the both daughters have a fabulous relationship, they are VERY tight. 3-4 calls a day tight. My relationship with them is also very good, we just don't chat as much as they do. During the convo, I did break down and cry, I tried not too, but damn that was rough. Almost immediately after the meeting, my oldest D24 was angry at the wife for giving up and not even attempting to reconcile or go to IC. The anger was short lived however, a brief convo between them and afterwards, they seems to be ok again. My oldest (D24) has been great thru this. She sends me texts almost daily to let me know she is thinking of me and supports me. The holidays are gonna be even rougher logistically. My youngest (D13), just got he interm report card and looks like she is dropping grades fast. She appears to be fine, but I suspect deeper issues are jut starting. I need to get her into IC. How does the attentive mom not see what impact this is having. Her MLC is crushing the family! I'm not even sure anymore if I know or like this new person she has become.
I do not think I like this anger stage. While it is nice to not be all hurt and sad, I want to throat punch someone and that's not good for anyone.

In the past month or so, she has not gone out and done anything for herself. Being in the same house, I see her daily/nightly. She does chores / homework / TV with the D13 and then just goes to bed at like 8PM. Like nothing is different. She used to go to bed very early all the time. She tired at end of work day due to her illness's, she says.
Again, my thinking is all about her, HELP me HELP me (Jerry Maguire lol).

Ugh