Husband cheated, left, trying to DB 6

[BluWave]

(((kech))) We are all thinking about you and just want to know you are okay. If you read this, please drop us a quick line. You don't even have to give an update, just a hello, I am okay. I don't assume the worst, but I do think of posters here and care about them.

I have a deep admiration for posters (like kech) that are willing to be so vulnerable and share their sitch. It is far easier to dish out advice and 2*4s than to talk about our own lives and struggles. Kech, I will update my own sitch today, because I admit I am not so good at that consistency. We all struggle and we all make mistakes. That is what it means to be human.

I also wanted to add a couple of things here. I don't recall how much I shared about my anxiety/depression after BD, but it was very bad. I thought about suicide all the time. I want people to know that it is okay to say that out loud (or write it here). There is a lot of stigma around just admitting that, but I don't think that there should be. I even had all the support systems in place - IC, family, friends, resources, reading here, etc. It was still unbearable and felt hopeless at times. Somehow I got through, one day at a time, and it did slowly get easier. I just forced myself to believe that it would, and it did. I learned to trust my trusted people: I had to surrender my fears and have faith that everyone around me was right. I would be okay eventually. As a result, I have also deepened several relationships around me. My friendships today are QUALITY.

Steve mentioned she may have invited him back, and thus her silence. So I will share this. There were times my H tried to end things with OW, but of course I didn't know that then. Half way through our separation, H left OW, and he told her it was over and didn't speak to her for several weeks. That time it was because of my own pleading and bargaining that he did it. It was an intense time and we even had R talks. Needless to say, he wasn't ready, and he ran right back to her. What a slap in the face. I think that was the turning point for me. That was when I threw my hands up and started to LET HIM GO. That was when I really learned how to DB and got better at it. So when I started to let go, and move forward without him, is when I finally started to get stronger. Subsequently, it is also when he saw he was losing me because I removed all pursuit and pressure. It took about 5 months of that for him to do a 180 and come running back. He is lucky he did, because HIS time was surely running out.

I just wanted to put this here. We all have to learn in our own ways and make our own mistakes. I don't beat myself up for it anymore. I certainly don't fault any poster for their hardships and bad choices. We will all get to the other side of this mess in time.

Blu