Sorry to hear about LG - I guess that's the way the dating world goes. Well, move on to the next.
I don't know why you're expecting 2x4s. I wholeheartedly agree with what your IC said. You have to get rid of your shame and guilt. Exercise more self-compassion for yourself. You don't really know if you had made those changes earlier that it would've saved your M. Playing the 'what if' game is a dead-end. There is never going to be a satisfactory answer to that.
I excavate my past just to understand my failures and learn how to be better. I have been able to reach a stage where I don't have any emotions associated with looking back. I accepted that I was who I was, but now I am not that person. And I am practicing trying to be happy with myself today, but knowing that I could do a little bit better tomorrow. Be happy with where you are today. You are amazing and great where you are today. But you could do a little bit better tomorrow.
I think you're doing amazing compared to where things were. Keep your chin up!
