Yup. The sooner you stop that, the better. Plus the more you say, the more ammo she gets.
The “individual” in “IC” is what counts. If she wants a safe space to talk about her feelings, she can do that in private like everyone else.
For the boundary, maybe a slightly more positive spin. You’re willing to work on the M and do MC when she’s ready. Not just “ditch OM first” but more like, “take your time, do what you need to do, and when you’re ready I’ll see where I’m at and we can discuss it then.”
Good advice. Thanks.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
