To me, it sounds like you are scared and frustrated and want SOME kind of resolution whatever it may be.
Yeah. And what it is changes form moment to moment. Usually in the morning it's "I want this pain to stop." By the afternoon it's "I want what I had." And by the evening its "I am so angry at her, I want her to suffer and I want to replace her with someone new as soon as possible."
Of course none of those things are things I can just "think away." And it takes time. And so forth. So I walk on.
I think the bolded part is so important. Right now, you are in such a state of disarra that you cant even keep track of what you want. Thats why what Vapo said to you is so meaningful. There is no point to randomly picking one of those paths to down. And ruminating and focusing on figuring out which path to take is like spinning your wheels in a mudbank. Take this GIFT of time you have been given and just live for a while. Accept that there may not be any resolution until there is. Accept that there are questions you may never know the answers to.
Focus on your goals. And on the GAL activities you seem to be enjoying. It sounds like there is a lot of potential in store. Dont rush just to get to the end.
