No idea if anything I'm doing is "working." It certainly isn't improving my R with W in the moment. Will it increase the chances of R later? Maybe, but like all LBSes say, "I know my W and when she says she's made a decision, that's that." I'm feeling stagnant, listless, stuck, unable to detach.
I wanted to write to you this weekend, but I didnt have my laptop and figured it would be a pain on the phone.
Anyway, Im confused by what you mean by "working"...I mean, how do you even know? Ive written several times that I see it like taking a walk with your spouse but she is always 3 steps ahead of you. No matter how fast you walk, she will always stay that buffer zone ahead. Now, if you STOP walking, what happens...? For a while, it looks like she is only getting further and further away. So how can you judge what impact you are having on her. To me, it sounds like you are scared and frustrated and want SOME kind of resolution whatever it may be.
Originally Posted by burned
Edit: you know what really scks is that last night I sort of did feel like AMOAFWL. I was enjoying myself, people seemed to like me, cracking funny jokes, being my old usual self. But behind all of that was just the same pain. The feeling of, "I had something good and now I don't, and there's nothing I can do to undo that."
I understand that there is a loss. And it stinks that she is going to miss out on the new you. But thats HER loss. The new you will surely find some happiness again. Keep your focus on you and on the present.
