The 21 October this year happened to fall on a Sunday, so I was with my Wonderful Man. We went to an exhibition, which we really took our time walking around and absorbing, then a cup of tea and a cake, a longish walk home and making something new for dinner.
We talked a little about alcohol and addiction and XH over dinner, mainly because we'd been out on Saturday early afternoon with a friend and ex work colleague of WM's. The friend's wife of many years was there too. They were both very heavy drinkers. The friend was already tipsy when he arrived apparently, having drunk a whole bottle of wine on the train journey up (2 hours of train journey). He had drunk a whole pint and was up buying more drinks for everyone, and I'd only had drunk a quarter of my gin and diet tonic.
Anyway, we were there a couple of hours, chatting and laughing, having a nice time and the friend getting progressively drunker. At a certain point (I think because he was talking about getting more alcohol for the train journey home, and his wife was I think trying to dissuade him) the friend started saying stuff about how he hated his wife for trying to change him, how he could cheerfully wring her neck...that sort of thing. It was all very jokey and merry, but it made me feel pretty stressed out and I was glad to leave not long after.
To be honest, I could easily have left a good hour or hour and a half earlier, well before it got to that stage, and I would have been fine with it. I would have had a nice time and have felt relaxed with it.
They were nice people, super friendly and down to earth and I got on really well with both of them, but by heavens there is no way I could live that life - even just one day/evening a month. He/they obviously spend their spare time like that, and go places (as in holidays and day trips to different cities) to sit in pubs and get drunk.
Actually made me think of the guy I went out with for a short while a few years back. He liked to spend a lot of his spare time in pubs drinking, but more after the working week: Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And also drinking a lot when he was away on holiday, starting at lunchtimes. Funny how at the time I went out with him, it seemed sort of normal behaviour. Now the thought of being near someone like that (emotionally) kind of makes me feel really uneasy, and like I can't wait to get away. Funny how your perspective can shift so totally.
I feel very safe with WM. He is exactly who he is, through and through. His nature is very sincere and straight forward, and it comes through in his interactions with everyone. He is very loving, supportive and affectionate with people he cares about. I see this in how he behaves with his children and with his family too. There is no pretence, no side or manipulation or art to him. He is also very practical, and sensual (as in 'of the senses') and intuitive.
I think age, life and experience have tempered some of his characteristics, and slowed him down a little, made him reflect a little more on where his actions might lead. But then, it's probably tempered those sorts of things in most people I would guess.
I feel incredibly lucky to be where I am at this moment in time. But then, I've worked really hard to be at this point with myself and in my life.
Oh, I forgot...yesterday when we were at the exhibition, I was in the ladies and met the partner/wife of XH's uncle.
The uncle is the brother of XH's father. He is exactly the same type as XH: character, alcohol consumption and even down to the job that he does.
The uncle was married with a son. I think he left his M when his son was quite young. The son is now grown up, in his 20s.
The uncle and his new partner/wife have child who must be about 8 years old now.
Both of them had always been very open and friendly with me and I liked her a lot especially.
When i bumped into her yesterday she seemed very, very tired and distracted. Part of me wonders now how she's coping with everything. Not coping with what happened with me I mean, but coping with her own life. I'm pretty sure she carries a lot of the burden.
Anyway, who knows. Maybe a whole lot of something else was going on in her life and that's what she was tired and distracted about.
Please start a new thread and link your current thread to the new one and vice versa. Many thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
