28 Years!

[ovrrnbw]

1. No in house separation. Say: "WW, you want a divorce and moving out is part of that process. Goodbye". Then move on with your new life. That is pretty much the crux of your situation. I could stop writing there and that would be great for your detachment. You won't be able to move on while she is still there. She will mind$%^& the hell out of you and you will have a tough time detaching. You probably don't want to listen to this advice. Your call.

2. Your W has a lot of issues, she needs help there. You are not the guy to help her with that right now, so don't try to for the time being unless she asks.

3. Spooning another person on the couch is clearly a breach of your boundaries. It would be for me too. That's wrong and your wife lied and manipulated her way out of that.

4. Her thinking about other people is normal in this situation. Even the hurt LBS's think about a future with another person.

5. Her being super nice is scary, like she is hiding something. I don't know if she is or isn't, but usually the overly nice is a tactic. If she wants divorce, why do you still have family dinners? That's cake eating, tell her no more.

6. You have to go GAL. Your wife wants a divorce. Your life is changing one way or another. Do you want to be in control of it or are you OK just letting it all happen? What do you, or did you, like to do for fun? Go to the gym, join sports league, bowling leagues, go drinking with buddies. Find a ton to do and go and do it. Your kids are old, they don't need you around. Seriously, make a 180 on your personal life and go have a ton of fun! The silver lining here is that you can now do anything you'd like!

7. What did you do, behavior wise, to contribute to her wanting out? We all have bad tendencies, and healthy relationships don't make it to these boards. Figure out your contribution and get to work on being the best you that you can be.

8. Tell your W she needs to move out if she wants to be "separated". B/c you can't be separated if you're still living together. Seriously, you can't let her get to "separated" status while still living with you. She's going to be going GGW (girls gone wild) and you're going to feel like crap. Then you'll be pissed and you'll tell her that, and she'll respond that you're "separated" so she's free to do what she wants. F that. Gonna be a bumpy road, you need to decide what you'll live with and what you'll lay down the law on.

9. Do not tell your W what you are doing. Trust me, she is not going to be doing the same for you.

10. Do me a favor and really limit contact with her. Quit driving her around, quit doing things for her. Once you're divorced, you guys won't be a family and won't be doing these things. That's her choice, so let her live with the negatives of her choice. Right now, she wants you to feel the negatives, as evidenced by her response to your letter. But she picked some other negatives that she doesn't want to feel for herself. That's cake eating, don't let it happen.

Good luck!