Not struggling quite as much

[Jim1234]

To recap, we're almost done with mediation, and are very close to an agreement. Leaving mediation a few months ago, I explained that I understood a lot of the ways I wasn't a good husband, and apologized. About a month afterward, she said she'd like to talk about the things I said. I said sure, let me know when, and left it at that. It took about another month, but she reminded me last week and we went to lunch on Friday. Nice lunch. I validated. I didn't make any demands. I know what I said had an impact. In general, I said it's no wonder counselling didn't work, because at the time, I *knew* I was a great husband, and therefore any change had to come from her. I acknowledged I looked to her to fulfill all my social needs, which put insane pressure on her. I said I understood how I violated her sense of safety and security and gave examples. I think we'll talk more, but it went well. We attended a party individually last night, were friendly, with no pressure from me.

Strange thing about the separation agreement. We reached an agreement with the mediator, who I don't think is a very good mediator, or lawyer. We each took it to our lawyers to review, and mine basically suggested some language that clears some things up, most of which will work in her favor, but he also strongly suggested that we add a clause that alimony terminates if she moves in with someone. I thought this was a no-brainer, and brought the changes up over lunch. She was fine with the clarifications, but said "no way" to the termination of alimony. We couldn't come to a resolution. Funny that this whole thing might be derailed because we disagree over something that I thought was a given. Maybe it just means more money for more mediation.