Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can

[marina7]

Thank you everyone,

As time is passing I am finding it more easy.
To deal with W.

Is like I can tell when W is going to flip or when
W is being nice. W wants something.

Unfortunately until court and I get s10
Home permanently with his siblings
I will have to deal with W.

For now I call s10 when I don't have him every day.
W answers... grrrrrr it frustrates me but I also
Don't let it bother me.

I have said this once I get s10 home I wonder if W
Will be a vanisher. The way I see W Is either W will
get better or worse. Who knows.

Oh well we 4 just keep praying for her soul. Because
I can't imagine the demons W is fighting.

Trios and I had a Halloween party yesterday
So much fun. It was almost 10pm W met halfway
To pick them up.

I did invite W but W stated she doesn't feel safe being with
Me. I just ignore another excuse not to be part of kids life or
Activity. So sad. But kids where so happy. They didn't want
to go s10 said why we have to go to W house. Let's go home.
Mommy call her tell her we don't wanna go.
I listen to all three and said are you three safe at mom house.
Trios yeah...

Well Trios only for 1day and 7 hours and pick ya up Sunday
S10 well d10 and s9 I don't vet to go home with ya.
I held him look at him in the eyes I said
S10 you know am fighting for you and this mommy
Promises you whatever it takes I am bringing you home
To be with s9 and d10.
S10 I know mommy, crying and squeezing me.
M s10 you keep swimming when you close your eyes
and you see a light you keep swimming this mommy is
there waiting. You know I am also swimming and soon
I will catch you and not let go. Right now I am fighting to
Bring you home I will not stop fighting for you or your sibilings.
I am here. I will be here forever.
Trios and I did group hug.

W pulled up, Trios just got in W car.
W wanted to talk., I simply said they are tired.
W oh I thought they where mad at you.
M not at all. Bye.
I smiled at trio's and through them kisses and they catch it.

W stood there while I drove off like lost
I seen W through rearview mirror get in car.

As expected W might wanted to know about Halloween party
But W didn't go by choice. As W states she fears for her life but
Wants to be best friends for kids and wants to chat in parking lot.
Smh... that's all I can do.

Well, going to movies again and sushi with my Friend R who
Been around, R was our friend, R has been there like my other
Best friend, but as my bestfriend said R likes you.

At first I didn't think so as R was married 12yrs and separated for
2yrs. R has a d18 and has step it up in my eyes. But I looked at her as a
Best friend also but lately I see her different as I see R so tender
With my Trios, When d10 was sick R purchase medicine without question and drop
Off at front door as I was not home. R has showed up when I don't wanna
Be bothered, I have cried in R shoulder , R has been there through my worse

Trios Simply adore R. Also my bestfriend.

Well a month ago we went out for movies and drinks
As friends but bestie says that was a date. I said no but bestie
Says I know it was a date. I told my therapist and therapist said
That was a date.

Well guess what R text to say hello. R said what you doing later I said
Nothing, R said wanna go to movie and dinner.
I went radio silent. R text I guess not.
I replied is not like is a date lol. R replied
It will be our second date. Lol
I replied so is this a date.
R yes, if ok with you.
I replied movie and dinner ok

R ok fine. But its still a date.
I replied lol

So I keep you posted on my date. Wow I can't believe I
Was in a date and I didn't even know. It shows its been a decade lol.