H found out that our grown son doesn't want to talk with H or have him attend sporting events where the grandson is. Absolutely livid.
Says that this is all my fault, since I decided (finally) to tell our grown children (one nearly 40) about the EA after I discovered that H had purchased an airline ticket for her to come out for a visit, and rented a single hotel room for the two of them. When I called him on it he asked for a divorce, and I could no longer go on acting like everything has been ok (I had been doing this all summer to try and get through our daughter's wedding, and just told them that I was feeling depressed.)
Just to clarify, when I walked in the door of one of the children's houses, they immediately said "Dad is having an affair, isn't he?" before I said a word. They said that they knew because he guarded his cell phone so zealously and that he had snatched his phone from one grandson in kind of a gruff way. Apparently, he also has an Instagram account where she has commented on nearly every picture.
So while of course they now know that there is an EA (pictures were mailed to my house of them making out), he blames me for the grandchild issue, even though it appears that everyone (except the grandchild, of course) knew or at least strongly suspected what was happened.
Thanks to the development, which had nearly nothing to do with me, and another moment where a relative send an Instagram request to my husband's EA, H is saying that he will decide today whether to go on with the marriage.
Believe it or not, I still love this man--we've been married for 38 years (overwhelmingly really good, although he has started to rewrite history a little bit lately). I started talking to him about the 180 (of course I didn't call it that or talk about DB) but instead emphasized that I am trying to build my life so that we have a great marriage to come back to. (Which means that I am trying to act "as if" although I suck at it.)
Any and all ideas welcome.
BTW, I figured out the pattern of us arguing so much, in case any of you have experienced this: I make a request (like, say "what do you want from the store?") he raises his voice, I respond that he cannot talk to me that way, and the rest of the argument insues. If he returns home today, and doesn't want to separate or divorce, the 180 (or last resort) is my plan.
Here is my last question: we live under the same roof. I really don't know how to be "sort of friendly, but living my life?" Suggestions on how to do this?
