FS... I think this all sounds pretty promising but as everyone says on here, it is a marathon, not a sprint, so just keep doing what you are doing. It is great that you are getting out with colleagues and that they are men who appreciate your good qualities. I’m sure your H is super jealous. Good... he deserves to struggle with that feeling.
I know what you mean about nights being the toughest. I feel the exact same way. My days are, for the most part, pretty darn easy. But when I come home from work and realize I have a night ahead of me with just me and the kids, it is difficult. Not what I had pictured. I think about how I would feel is my H had died and while that would have been incredibly difficult, the finality of it would have necessitated my moving one. Knowing that he is out there choosing to not be with me and his children is a different kind of hurt. It is the rejection that is hard to live with - especially because it is not mutual. When the kids head off to bed, that is when my mind kicks into overdrive so I try not to stay up much later than them. Like you, I find journaling very helpful as you are right, it does provide a bit of distance.
Your friend’s H sound like a complete and total jerk. I am thankful that is not my situation and it is not yours. Hope your family birthday dinner was a lot of fun!!! (((HUGS)))
