Unsure what's next, what to do.....

[burned]

What you're describing is the consequence of the boundary. If you define the boundary well and make that clear to her, then she will feel safe making a decision based on the consequences you propose. Something like that. There are a bunch of threads describing boundaries here on the board, and there's a book on it by Cloud and Townsend.

I will say, from what I've learned here, that if you can set that consequence and follow through on it, you'll probably benefit from it in the long run.

What you're saying, to yourself and others, is that you have enough self-respect to refuse to allow people to treat you like that, and to act in self-protective ways when they continue to act that way despite knowing that it hurts you. I mean, of course they know that it hurts you, but people tend to push the limits of what they can get away with.

In your case you might be doing yourself a huge favor by saying, finally (after the 3rd time iirc) that you're just done living with someone who can't reliably demonstrate commitment to you or your R.

I believe Sandi is right that this is a good idea. But it is a leap of faith.

The alternative, try what I did. Set a weak boundary, give her a half-hearted ultimatum, don't follow through, let her continue to run the show, continue to show her that despite her disrespectful attitude you will continue to comply with her demands...and so on. You end up in a quagmire that, from my vantage point, feels pretty impossible to escape.