Just to clarify. When i said "WG wasnt into you" i did not mean sexually, or as someone to have fun with. I meant, she is not looking at you as a long term, settle down with type of guy.
I really believe that when women find that guy they want to settle down with, they become the clingy, demanding woman that scares you. I know i am stereotyping. And i also know that age and experience and other factors can alter this. But for the most part (of course there are exceptions) i see this dynamic a lot. And then there are the woman that say they are not like that but maybe hide it better in the beginning. They are smarter. They know how to play the game. (Which ends up being dishonest and leads to other issues) or they just dont know or are not being honest with themselves about what they want.
Now WGs actions are fine for you, as you are not looking for someone to settle down with. There were some sentences in your post that made me think maybe you were looking for more with her. But you indicate that was not so. Just passing thoughts at times.
Now post divorce, there are plenty of guys like you that want to keep things more casual. They want to just have someone to have wild sex with, go on vacations with, and take out when they dont want to feel like a 3rd wheel. Ginger referred to it as cake eating. I dont see it like that, as long as your honest. And I would understand why guys out there would want that. I do know that it can be harder to find quality women that are up for that though.
But women like me and perhaps ginger would want to identify and avoid those types of guys. I am honest in that i am looking for a 2nd chance at a partnership/family. Im 40 and feel like i missed out on that with my ex. In the region ginger and i am from, there are practical reasons to arrangements like that as well. Now at our stage in life in can be harder to find quality men that are up for that as well.
Maybe in the future, i would not want to deal with inevitable negatives of someone. To only be with somone when all is good. To not have to deal with the disagreements, and bad moods, and peeing on the toilet seat. Not having to deal with the grit. On the other hand, it is the sweetest there is something conforting when i see older coupkes support each other through injuries and surgeries and illness (i work as a physical therapist) But i think that grit just puts you on a different level of relating and bonding that some are just not capable of or ready for.
So no wrong ways. As long as everyone is honest.
Regarding asking you about guilt, i was referring more to behaviors that came out with addiction. You mentioned instead of visiting your wife at hospital you stayed home cause of addiction.
My ex was so selfish and cold when i was pregnant and had to go for surgery cause of a cancer growth and then during my subsequent miscarriage. I went to work with a dead fetus in me for weeks and i just never felt like he cared. Im not sure if it was an addiction that made him that way, or if it was just because he was an avoidant or no longer loved me. So i guess im seeking answers from you as a former opiate addict cause i just dont understand addiction. I spent hours on the blue light forum trying to gain insight. Discovered simmilarities (ex was constantly buying immodium, not waking up through alarms, disappearing during snow storms, never having money even though he earned a lot, sexual issues i originally though was unique to ex and stress) but very little talk about how they felt about their relationshiips or failed relationships.
I think maybe i relate to you as a future version of my ex. Like if he is currently clean or becomes clean. (I dont know any more) I cant see him ever wanting a real relationship with someone either.
